Style Conversational Week 1302: GHI — Going Half Ink


    It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s the contest. Some just don’t pan
    out. ’Sokay.



Sen. Lindsey Graham’s hearing room tirade attacking those who would
question the past of Judge Brett Kavanaugh inspired Frank Osen’s “Graham
Hysteria Index.” (Pool photo by Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)
Sen. Lindsey Graham’s hearing room tirade attacking those who would
question the past of Judge Brett Kavanaugh inspired Frank Osen’s “Graham
Hysteria Index.” (Pool photo by Tom Williams/CQ Roll Call)

By
Pat Myers <https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/> 
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 <https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/>
Pat Myers <https://www.washingtonpost.com/people/pat-myers/>
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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Oct. 18, 2018 at 2:48 p.m. EDT

Yeah, we’ve been through a week that’sdone its best
<https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/17/world/europe/turkey-saudi-khashoggi-dismember.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage>,
and then some,
<https://www.reuters.com/article/us-saudi-politics-dissident/trump-wary-of-halting-saudi-weapons-sales-over-missing-journalist-idUSKCN1ML0Q3>
to keep us from laughing. But Lord knows that we’re able to do it
anyway. Heck, we ran a contest — and no doubt the Czar judged one — the
week of 9/11
<https://www.washingtonpost.com/conversations/if-you-cant-laugh-anymore-they-win-humor-in-the-sept-11-era/2014/09/11/be385704-397a-11e4-9c9f-ebb47272e40e_story.html?utm_term=.20b327f0b80d&tid=lk_inline_manual_1>.

Nah, the contest just didn’t pan out. No biggie. We got a million of ’em.

To be honest, the two predecessors of Week 1298 — names of things, or
other phrases, that could be abbreviated ABC, CBA, etc
<https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/2016/07/07/83388b18-424e-11e6-8856-f26de2537a9d_story.html?utm_term=.08fcbc714721&tid=lk_inline_manual_3>.,
or DEF, etc.
<https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/style-invitational-week-1242-that-was-then---give-us-a-thennow-joke/2017/08/24/e1e75794-86d0-11e7-a50f-e0d4e6ec070a_story.html?utm_term=.0f6047954aae#report&tid=lk_inline_manual_3>
— won’t go down as Style Invitational classics either, though both Weeks
1179 and 1238 had some perfectly zingy entries. And this week I’m happy
with all 15 entries that I ran in this week’s results for GHI and its
permutations <http://wapo.st/invite1302> On top of that, I had a chance
to share nine more “typo” headlines from Week 1297, and even a couple of
new-word poems from Week 1296.


It’s just the 13th blot of ink for Kevin Mettinger of semirural
Warrenton, Va., but it’s his second Invite win. And his first — from way
back in the Empress’s first year, 2004 — was a classic: Week 551 asked
readers to feed some passage into Google’s translation tool (then in its
clunky toddlerdom), translate it into another language, then translate
that result back into English. Kevin must have figured out that Le
Google had trouble with French words that take opposite meanings, like
/jamais. /

The top of the 36-item list of Ask Backwards contests, from the Losers'
own website (Screen image from NRARS.org)
The top of the 36-item list of Ask Backwards contests, from the Losers'
own website (Screen image from NRARS.org)

And so, thinking of the still-raw 2000 election, Kevin fed the
translator “George W. Bush is the best president ever elected,” asked
for French, and got /George W. Bush est le meilleur président jamais
élu/. Which then — but not now! — translated back as “George W. Bush is
the best president never elected.”

This week’s second-place winner, Ed Gordon, reports that he’ll be
visiting the D.C. area from Austin over Christmas week, as he did last
year. Last December we got together for a fun Loser Brunch at a chili
place in Alexandria; maybe we can do that again.


*What Doug Doug: * The faves this week of Ace Copy Editor Doug Norwood
were Jeff Shirley’s IHG: Intestinal Hijinx Group (“Don’t Talk About Fart
Club”); IGH: Instant Growth Hormone as a code name for Viagra, sent by
both Jeff Contompasis and Warren Tanabe; IGI: International Gathering of
Introverts (“Sparsely Attended Since 1962”) by Diane Lucitt.

*ATTENTION NON-HOARDER RECIDIVIST LOSERS!*

Has your unfortunate addiction to The Style Invitational resulted in so
many fabulous prizes at your domicile that your domicile-mate has
suggested that you skip this winter’s delivery of firewood and intstead
. . .

Listen, I’m delighted to send you every Lose Cannon or second-place gag
prize or mug or bag or magnet you win. But I’m at least equally
delighted not to. Several of the Losers have asked me to stop sending
any more items that they’ve already won; some have asked only for the
prize letter; some have asked me to send them the letter by email. At
least one has asked for Utterly Nada.


If you’re getting prizes you don’t really want — or you’re not opening
the snail mail letter — please let me know and I promise that I won’t
fix your problem merely by not giving you any more ink. If you indulge
me this week with a request that I seem to have forgotten, this time I
promise to actually write it down.

Meanwhile, I have just a couple more “I Got a B in Punmanship”
<https://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_1484w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2018/09/20/Style/Images/punmanshipbagreal.jpg?uuid=4O98yrzDEeiHknhxkXclDw&tid=lk_inline_manual_18>
Grossery Bags for third- and fourth-place winners. After that, we’ll be
getting an encore run of Bob Staake’s“Whole Fools”
<https://www.flickr.com/photos/44410029@N06/11407991616/> parody logo,
on a natural-color cotton bag whose handles are part of the bag, rather
than being attached.

If you have a big pile of Invite swag that you haven’t torched yet, feel
free to regift it to me. I’m especially eager for vintage prizes that I
could give to Latter-Day Losers who never had the chance to win, say, a
Loser T-shirt. Old magnets, bring ’em on. Right now I have very few
early-years prizes left, now that I’ve given out almost all the bagfuls
of Elden Carnahan’s decluttering, not to mention all six of Christopher
Lamora’s Inkers. If you’re in the D.C. area, I should be able to come
and fetch them from you, or preferably take them off your hands at a
Loser Brunch or other event. If you want to send a few old magnets to
me, my home address is the best destination; email me and I’ll give it
to you.


*ASK ME ANYTHING (FUNNY & CLEVER): THE WEEK 1302 CONTEST *

The title ofthis week’s contest, <http://wapo.st/invite1302>“Ask
Backwards 37,” sounds more definitive than it is. I used it because I
used”Ask Backwards 36” last October, and I got that by counting down the
“JEO” (for “Jeopardy”) chart
<http://www.nrars.org/0%20The%20Book%20of%20Weeks/mastercontestlistJEO.html>in
Elden’s Loser Stats, and I don’t think anyone pointed out some very
similar contest that we did that had a different headline and didn’t
make it on the chart — so 37 it is.

If Ask Backwards is new to you, take a few minutes to check out a few of
the previous At Least 36 contests. The best way — which isn’t affected
by The Post’s paywall for nonsubscribers — is to go to Elden’s Master
Contest List,
<http://www.nrars.org/0%20The%20Book%20of%20Weeks/mastercontestlist0all.html>on
NRARS.org, the Losers’ own website, and search on “backward.” Then
scroll four weeks down to see the results of that contest.


In recent years, I’ve been using categories that function as miniature
Invitational contests — ones that might bring a half-dozen great
answers, but not three dozen. “This week’s least-watched podcast” and
“Grace at the Trumps’ Thanksgiving dinner” are examples this week,
although I can also envision some other creative interpretations as
questions for these “answers.” Remember that I’ll be running the answer
first, followed by the question, so make sure your joke works in that order.

*THE GREAT BRUNCH REMAINING BEFORE US: GETTYSBURG, THIS SUNDAY *

I’m going to be taking a 20-mile walk in the D.C. area this Sunday, so I
can’t go, but I heartily recommend the annual Loser Brunch and
Battlefield Tour in Gettysburg, Pa., with the tour led by Loser and
G’burgian Roger Dalrymple. The weather is supposed to be perfect. and
it’s not too late to join the Onion Army. Details and RSVP here
<http://www.nrars.org/brunchdataout.html>.